Calm, Cool and Committed

Three Moms and a Dude

What Pees Might Come

People who don’t have overactive bladder have no idea what it’s like.  I’d like to educate them with this post.

The Jiggly Frenemy of OAB Sufferers Everywhere

The Jiggly Frenemy of OAB Sufferers Everywhere

A Night with Overactive Bladder

11:30 – You pee before going to bed.  You make sure to squeeze out every last drop.

11:30-11:41 – Check your phone for a few minutes.

11:42 – Realize it’s been 12 minutes since you peed, so you go pee again.  If you don’t, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night.

12:00 – You’re almost asleep when you feel a slight pressure on your bladder.  You try to ignore it.

12:02 – You’re still thinking about that pressure.  Surely you don’t have to pee; you just peed 20 minutes ago.  You don’t need to pee.  You don’t.  Think about something else.  It’ll go away.

12:05 – You just can’t stop thinking about needing to pee.  You need to stop thinking about it.  One of the steps to treating overactive bladder is through psychological reconditioning.  You know you need to train yourself not to go to the bathroom whenever you think about it.  You don’t need to pee.  You don’t.  Tell yourself.  You.  Don’t.  Need. To.  Pee.  It’s a false alarm.

12:10 – You should go pee.  If you don’t pee, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night needing to pee – or worse, you’ll have a pee dream.  You know, those dreams where you really, really have to pee, and you keep trying to pee, but you can’t.  Either you can’t find a bathroom or the bathroom is unusable.  It’s a terrible dream because it physically hurts and is panic-inducing.  Go to the bathroom.  Get up.  Go.  You don’t want to have one of those dreams.

12:11 – No.  You’re not going to pee.  You’re going to go to sleep and beat this nonsense.  Don’t let the bladder win!

12:15 – You ought to just get up to pee.  You’re going to get up eventually anyway.  The bladder always wins.  Now you’re just wasting time that could be spent sleeping because all you can think about is needing to pee.

12:17 – You’re so comfortable, though.  If you get up and pee, you’ll never be able to recreate the same awesome pillow positioning you have right now.  Ignore the pee!

12:25 – Son of a #$*@#!  You’re too wound up to sleep because you’re haunted by thoughts of having the pee dream.  You get up and go pee.

12:26 – It was only two tablespoons.  That wasn’t enough to have to get up to pee.  No.  No, two tablespoons is the difference between a 5AM wakeup and a 5:30 wake up.  It was good you peed.

12:30 – Why is this pillow so uncomfortable?!

??:?? – You really have to pee.  You push through the swinging bathroom doors.  The public restroom has oodles of toilets.  Use the first one.  Nope, you can’t.  There’s poop on the seat.  What about the next one?  Ugh.  It’s filthy – and there’s no toilet paper.  Okay, go down to the next open one.  Okay, good.  You go to lock the door.  No lock.  And a group of men just walked in.  There’s another one across the aisle.  This one doesn’t have a door.  But you really have to pee.  The men are walking around laughing.  You can’t pee in front of them.  Oh, man, pee pee pee, what are you going to do, pee pee pee, no good toilets PEE PEE PEE!

5:10 – It was a dream.  Your bladder is about to explode.  No, that’s not what it feels like.  It feels like there’s a 50 pound dumbbell sitting across your abdomen.  And someone’s pressing down on it.

5:11 – Run to the potty and pee.

5:14 – Still peeing.

5:17 – Return to bed.  Ahhh, the sweet relief of an empty bladder.  Now you can finally enjoy some sleep!

5:33 – Alarm.  Time to wake up.  &#($!


These Little Arguments

Hubby and Me on Our 5 Year Anniversary

Hubby and Me on Our 5 Year Anniversary

My husband and I are pretty compatible. Some of my friends (ahem, Mea) might even say we’re boring because we’re so similar.  Don’t be fooled, people, Hubby and I get in arguments.  To prove that we’re not boring, here is a  small sampling of the arguments we’ve had over the past 6.5 years of marriage.


Hubby: “Why are all these socks on the floor?  You’re never going to wear them again.”

Me: “Look at the pair I’m wearing right now.  These were on the floor this morning, and now I’m wearing them.”

Hubby: “You know, it’s the simple things like putting socks in the hamper that would make me happy.”

Me: “You mean simple like cleaning the crumbs off the counter?”


Me: “Why do you always have to talk about serious stuff in the morning?”

Hubby: “I’m sorry that I wanted to talk to you about something that was on my mind.”

Me:  “No, you wanted to make me angry.  You know I don’t like to think in the morning.”


Me: “I’m not a spendthrift like some other people’s wives.”

Hubby: “You just admitted that you spend a lot of money.”

Me: “No, I said I’m not a spendthrift.”

Hubby: “Yeah, you said you’re NOT thrifty.”

Me: “Spendthrift means you spend a lot of money.”

Hubby: “No it doesn’t. Hence the word thrift.”

Me: “Spendthrift means someone who spends a lot of money.”

Hubby: “How much do you want to bet?”

Me: “I don’t know.  Now you’re making me doubt that I know what that word means.”


Hubby: “Why do you need another pair of black shoes?  You have three sitting in the study.”

Me: “Those are work shoes, and I need a pair of dress shoes for the wedding.”

Hubby: “You have five pairs of black shoes in the closet.”

Me: “Those are open-toed shoes and I need closed-toed ones because I have to wear tights and you can’t wear tights with open-toed shoes.”

Hubby: “You have two pairs of closed-toed shoes by the radiator.”

Me: “Those are old.”


Hubby: “These pants have a tear in the pocket, I’m going to throw them away.”

Me: “Don’t throw them away, I can sew them back up.”

Hubby:  “You’ll never sew them.”

Me: “Yes, I will.  Besides, you still have your jumbotron khakis and your 1990 cargo pants.  Why would you throw away these nice, new dress pants?”

11.5 months later…

Hubby: “Are these the pants that have the tear in the pocket?  I’m going to pitch them.”

Me: “Don’t pitch them, we can patch them up.”

Hubby: “That’s what you said months ago and they’re still ripped.”

Me: “That’s because you didn’t remind me.”


This post will be much better if you read it with THIS playing in the background.


Lies I Like to Tell Myself

A spontaneous post tonight…

After a very appreciated and eventful spring break, it’s time to go back to work tomorrow.

In an effort to relieve the nausea and knots in my stomach, here are the lies I tell myself, to help me better cope with trying to balance working full time and being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I’d imagine, many of you are going through the same thoughts as I write:

1 – I will go to bed early tonight (Wide awake and kicking here! How about you??)!!!

2 – Tomorrow morning, I will resist the urge to hit the snooze button 5 times. Instead, I will get up early, make breakfast, do my hair and leave the house without rushing. Oh, and I will actually look in the mirror before I leave to make sure I at least match (Where’s my personal stylist when I need her?).

3 – No matter how tired I am after school, I will workout. Every. Day. (or at least 3 times a week??)

4 – Dinner will be planned ahead of time, gluten-free, healthy and praised by every member of the family (or else!).

5 – The managers at Giant will stop calling me by name, because I will not go every day to get something I need (Nice to see you again too!! Aghh! How embarrassing!).

6 – Every night, I will do a load of laundry and clean something in the house, so the weekend isn’t so crazy (1 week…this usually lasts 1 week.).

7 – I will not allow myself to get so tired that all I can do after the kids go to bed is stare like a zombie at the tv (Get off your butt and exercise I said!).

8 – 1 of the 5 books I’ve started will be finished soon. And I will get that new book I’ve been wanting!

9 – My husband and my friends will not feel neglected because I have too many other things that need to be done or I just don’t have the energy (Sorry guys…sigh…).

10 – I will have fun with the kids on a regular basis.

And last but not least, I will not cry when I drop lil man off at daycare tomorrow morning, because he’s going to have fun and play with his friends. I will miss him more than he misses me, right?

Is it too early to say that summer is almost here?


Totally in love!


One of my favorite pics of my sweeties! xo!


Let’s Live Together First!

The Dude is a little frustrated. While Molar Mother and Mea banter, quite fruitfully, over how to 12-step your way to a better marriage, CNN is posting this article: . To save you the time, this article essentially says that living together before marriage is not only becoming more common in America, but it’s also been shown to lead to more marriages. I mean isn’t that what our country needs? More marriages! Not lasting marriages, not happy marriages, not healthy marriages, just more. More. More. Low on cash? Move in with your boyfriend. Been together long enough? Share an apartment. Don’t want to rush into anything? Pick out matching towels, but hold off on the rings.

I know what some will say: We lived together before we got married, and our marriage is completely happy. Hey, that’s great for you. But isn’t part of the fun of marriage learning what it’s like to live with your lover and best friend (I’m assuming those are the same person)? If you’ve already done that before getting married, then what’s actually changed for you aside from how you fill out your W-4?

I realize that we live in a society that scoffs at traditional values (I mean God forbid people waited to have sex until marriage), but when did we decide that marriage was simply the next step in a long line of relational intimacy intervals? When did America start seeing marriage as something to be decided upon over a bowl of lucky charms at the breakfast bar where you eat with your live-in partner? If that’s all marriage is anymore, then why even bother?

Leave a comment »

The Five Compatibilities for a Happy Marriage

Several years ago (pre-hubby), I had a brilliant revelation. I came up with the five things every couple needs to be compatible over to have a successful, happy marriage. Tonight, in a discussion with friends, I mentioned these Compatibilities. I’ve never publicly stated them before, and it’s well past time. So here goes!


If two people aren’t on the same intellectual plane, difficulties will ensue for a variety of reasons. One partner will feel inferior. One will feel superior. One might get bored. One might not be able to keep up. One might feel like the other can’t fit in with their peer group. Discussions will be difficult. Decisions might be difficult.

Sleep Schedule

Go ahead and laugh. But it’s true. If you like to sleep in late and enjoy naps, it will be hard meshing with someone who thrives on 5 hours of sleep and waking up at the crack of dawn. I think the only problem my freshman roommate and I had in getting along was sleep schedule. I wanted to stroll in late while she was sleeping; she wanted to have friends over while I was napping. We all value our sleep/wake hours, and a partner whose own preferences don’t jive might be seen as disrespectful.


This one might be the most predictable. A spendthrift and a spendaholic just don’t mix. It doesn’t’ matter if you and your spouse have joint accounts or separate, as a married couple your finances WILL intertwine. If a couple is saving up for a new home and one drops $500 on a pair of shoes while the other gave up their text messaging plan, it’ll cause friction.


I lumped these two together because they usually go hand and hand. People don’t need to be the same religion or follow the same political dogma per se. Rather they need to hold religion/politics in the same regard. If one person doesn’t care about politics, an activist-minded spouse is not a good fit. Imagine this – you really, really care about marriage equality. You think everyone, no matter gender, should be allowed the right to marry. You want all your friends to support the cause. How ticked are you going to be if your spouse responds to your fervor with this word – “Meh.”


Notice that I said sexuality, not just sex. I think this might be the silent marriage killer. Someone might not mind saying, “Hey, it bothers me that you spend half your paycheck on books,” but they probably aren’t as free saying, “I wish you would change up the position every now and then” or “I wish you’d stop watching online porn.” Sexuality is taboo, so it gets hidden in even some of the most open relationships. And things like this breed contempt. “He’s not meeting my needs.” “She’s too demanding.” You get my point.

Read the rest of this entry »


The Real Reason(s) Why People Stay Married, Molar Mother

 Why don’t people get divorced, Molar Mother? I think the real question is, why do people choose to stay married, even when things get tough?


About 11 years ago (right before my hubby and I were about to get married), I remember being bombarded with the grim statistics of divorce. Constantly people and the media were talking about the epidemic of rising divorce rates, so much so that it made it seem like lasting marriages were becoming a thing of the past. I have no idea what the statistics are today, but now I don’t hear about the epidemic of divorce…ever, really. Maybe it’s because it’s less common (but probably not), or maybe because it’s more accepted (more likely the case).



Whatever the reason, it seems like more people around me are staying married, even when they are unhappy. This, Molar Mother and I agree on. What we don’t agree about it is why people choose to stay married and whether or not they should. Although some stay together because they are afraid to be alone, I do not believe this is the core reason people avoid divorce. And, I resent the notion that because me and most of my friends are in our 30′s(ish) and have children, we would be terrified of never finding anyone else, if divorced.

So, why do I think people stay married? Seriously, the reasons are endless.

-Commitment, people!

When you make a commitment, you should honor it, unless any or all family members are in danger. Unhappiness is not a reason to divorce. Life, marriage, relationships in general…they all ebb and flow. You made a vow to stick by your spouse through the good and bad times, remember???




Just because a person is unhappy, doesn’t mean love doesn’t still exist. The root of the unhappiness could be stress, a busy schedule, a personal issue not related to the spouse in the relationship, not enough communication and/or not enough time together or, dare I say, not enough sex (Don’t laugh; this is a serious issue, people!)! Which leads me to the next one…

-SEX (I know; how dare I talk about this! Signal bright, red cheeks!)!

Seriously, sometimes it’s just that good. The bond that it creates cannot be undone. And great sex between a husband and wife can help to heal a relationship (Says Dr. Mea…). The closeness that it creates between two people cannot accurately be put into words. And a little bit of advice from me: men, if she’s not coming back for more, maybe you should reassess your strategy and/or do some research!


Unhappiness doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. Deep inside, cherished memories still exist and these memories can be strong enough to hold on to hopes for the future.

Just the 3 of us...

Just the 3 of us…


For some, the idea of divorce simply goes against every fiber of their being. And to break the bond that God created is simply unthinkable.

-Fear of Embarrassment.

There are people who would never divorce, simply because of what their friends and family might think about them…as well as what they would think about themselves. The shame divorce would make them feel about their seeming failure is unthinkable for some.


Let’s face it; divorce is painful and costly for all parties involved, but the influence it has on children is profound. In a lot of cases, divorce is not a better option.


Lack of money prevents some from divorcing; yet for others, the security of having plenty keeps them with their spouse, even if they are unhappy. Money, especially these days, is a source of security. Right or wrong, it’s true.



-The Past and/or Present.

Especially for the younger generation, some never get divorced because they never married in the first place. For whatever reason (finances, unexpected pregnancy, age, fear of commitment, restrictive laws…), they remain with their partner, without a formal or socially accepted showing of commitment. But, for some, living through their parents’ divorce was too scarring and for that reason, the idea of entering into the territory of marriage and possibly divorce is just too daunting.

In addition to these, I think there are plenty of other reasons people stay together. But, I think these are the big ones. To simply say that people should get divorced if they are unhappy is taking the easy way out. Also, saying people won’t divorce because they are too afraid to be alone is archaic and narrow-minded, Molar Mother. Heck, if any of my friends were to divorce, I guarantee someone would snatch them up in an instant. Because being with any of my strong, ladyfriends not only is a privilege, but each and every one (including you, Molar Mother) is a serious catch!

The 4 of us...I wouldn't trade any of our moments...good or bad...for the world!

The 4 of us…I wouldn’t trade any of our moments…good or bad…for the world!

Sent from my iPhone


Why Won’t You Get Divorced?

There’s a five to seven year window after college when a girl’s life is filled with weddings. Whole summers are spent hopping from beach to mountain to lake, catching bouquets and walking down aisles.

That window closes for a year or two, and then another one opens. That window is filled with unhappy marriages.

I’m old enough now that my summers aren’t spent shopping for crystal pitchers that will be stored in attics with dusty Christmas decorations. And while a few baby showers have taken the place of bridal ones, not every marriage is turning up baby bonnets and roses.

More than a few of my friends are in relationships where one or both parties isn’t happy. Even though one or two of those couples have divorced, the majority stay married. Which leaves one question: Why?

I’m going to posit an answer to the why question. I believe one of the main reasons people stay in unhappy marriages is because they don’t want to be alone. They’re worried that they’re going to be a divorcee (possibly with kids) who can’t find another relationship. It was hard enough being single and 22. How much harder is divorced at 30+?

I’m not saying this from a high horse. I remember a previous relationship that had me disliking and distrusting my partner. For a while I thought he could change, but when I realized that might never happen, I told my family, “I think I’m going to break up with Stewbie.” And then I stayed with him for seven more months until he broke up with me?

Why did I stay with him?  Because I was now out of college, my dating pool had drastically been cut, I had invested a long time in him, I didn’t want to go to weddings stag…  You might see those reasons as silly or stupid or lacking self-esteem, but in my head they were big, very big reasons.  I was scared that if this relationship didn’t work out, no relationship would come along in its place.


Just like I know what it’s like to be afraid of what the end of a relationship means, I also know that it is better to be single than to be unhappy.  And I know that the only thing preventing you from finding a better relationship is the bad one you’re in.

So why won’t you get divorced?


1 Comment »

Talk to me…

To avoid “killing” each other, my tweener and I have been working on our communication lately. Woohoo!

Hail, eating...her fave!

Hail, eating…her fave!

This is what we’ve learned:

1) Always look each other in the white of the eyes when talking. That means no yelling from floor to floor.

(We live in a tri-level, crap! Oh well, more exercise for both of us, I guess.).

2) Leave the conversation if you become angry, because the frontal lobe of your brain is about to shut down completely.

(So, next time I’m angry, I’m leaving the house! Kids and husband, you’re on your own; mom’s taking a mini vacation! I’ll be back when my brain reboots!).

3) Revisit the conversation later and without emotion or judgment and discuss what each of you could have done better. Then, come to some type of compromise.

(I don’t see how this is possible…ever…my middle name is emotion.).

4) Apologize without explanation or justification of your actions, and ask for forgiveness. Then, walk away. Don’t say anything else unless the other person wants to talk or respond.

(Okay, this one I can do! Well…that is…unless the apology is followed by your tweener saying she has to forgive you, “because who else is going to feed me.” Yep, I’m the meal cart.).

5) Eat a snack, especially after a long day.

(I have noooooo problem with this one! I could eat all day and night…no joke!)!

The first week we put this into action, it turned out great and things have been better overall between us. But, this week, we have both been tired, busy, stressed and emotional, making it difficult to accomplish any type of civil conversation.

Honestly, I think I just need chocolate and a nap…a really, really, long nap.

Leave a comment »

We Got the Liebster Award!


(Some of this text is copied from the award giver, because that’s how this award rolls, folks!)

Recently, Calm, Cool and Committed received the very cool, very fun Liebster Blog Award. We got the award from the equally cool and fun writer Katie Kenyhercz.

The Liebster Award is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The word liebster is derived from German and roughly translates to sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. (We did say it roughly translates.)

Here are the rules for receiving the award:

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.

2. Answer the questions the tagger previously answered.

3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post.

4. Go to their page and tell them.

5. Remember, no tag backs!

Eleven things about us:

1. We all work in the same school, but not in the same building.

2. The four of us have never all sat down together.

3. One of our frequent topics of discussion is pregnancy.

4. There has never been a time where we all agreed on a topic.

5. Molar Mother and Mea almost always disagree, but still maintain a friendship.

6. TheDude has been MIA for a while now (on our blog), because he’s in grad school.

7. All but one of us are English teachers, but you’d never know.

8. We work with students in need.

9. 3 of us live in the ‘burbs, and 1 of us lives in the sticks.

10. We are all married and in the process of growing our families.

11. None of us missed the sarcasm gene.

Eleven questions about me and our answers:

1. Beach or mountain holiday?

MM – Beach!

Mea – Both!

TheDude – Beach

MF – Mountain

2. Where in the family do you come?

MM – I’m the baby. Which means the coolest.

Mea – I’m the oldest, most responsible and favorite child of 4!

TheDude – Youngest

MF – Oldest

3. Dog or cat person?

MM – I have three furbabies. You might call them cats, but I call them furbabies.

Mea – I love wild and zoo animals, as opposed to pets that depend on me to take care of them.

TheDude – Both. The cat is our firstborn, but our pups get the most attention.

MF – To play with and have fun – dogs. To own – cats.

4. What’s your favorite season and why?

MMSpring. It’s when everything comes alive again, and everything feels so much happier.

Mea – Summer! No stress, unlimited time with my kiddos (and family and friends), swimming, camping, beach, Vitamin D, the warmth of the sun, exercise, long days, yummy food, my birthday, my and my hubby’s anniversary…I could go on and on!!!

TheDude – I love photography in the fall, and I’m most comfortable in jeans and sweaters.

MF – Autumn. Everyone is outside trying to get their last big dose of Vitamin D before being cooped up for months. Also, I love not having to wear either a coat or sunblock!

5. What’s the last book you read?

MM – I finished Divergent over the weekend. I enjoyed it, but didn’t like the brand of morality it’s championing. I’m now reading The Twelve Tribes of Hattie, but I think I’m going to stop and move on. It’s not enjoyable to me.

Mea – My busy 2-year-old son and 12-year-old (going on 17) daughter leave me with little time to read. But, I “recently” finished Mockingjay from the Hunger Games series (I know, I’m a little behind!), and I am currently attempting to read Proof of Heaven: The Neurosurgeon’s Journey Into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D. and One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

TheDude- 100 Years of Solitude Not the best book I’ve ever read.

MF – Favorite Wife & Codetalker. The first was about a polygamous cult. The second was about a Navajo code talker from WWII.

6. What’s the last movie you watched?

MM – When I was home sick this week, I watched A Bride for Christmas. It was cute!

Mea – The last movie I watched was with my tweener. I believe the title was From Prada to Nada. Can you guess whose turn it was to choose??

TheDude – The Dark Knight Rises. Amazing.

MF – El Orfanato. Awesome movie with a heart-wrenching twist.

7. What’s your favorite weather and why?

MM – I love a nice, slightly breezy 72 degrees. You can go outside in shorts but you don’t end up all sweaty.

Mea – 85-90 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze and absolutely no humidity! Ahhhhhh…take me away!

TheDude- 65-70 degrees. Jeans and light sweater. Awesome.

MF – Night time on the boardwalk weather. Lightweight sweatshirt and shorts. Or, early morning in the woods – cool and damp but not cold or windy.

8. What would you like to be written on your tombstone?

MM – Lived to be 25,043 years old.

Mea – I do not want a tombstone; a marker will suffice. I’d like my ashes to be scattered somewhere beautiful and close to my family.

TheDude – He loved God, and he loved his wife.

MF – The Hopi Prayer:
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the
diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
On the ripened grain.
I am
the gentle Autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the
swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars
that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not
I did not die.
My Spirit is still alive…

OK, that’s long.
Maybe just the last four lines.

9. How would you like to be remembered?

MM – I’m not sure exactly how yet, but I want to have changed the world in some way.

Mea – I’d like to be remembered as a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend who could never be replaced.

TheDude – I’d like to be remembered as someone who made people feel loved. Still workin’ on that.

MF – As an inspiring matriarch.

10. When and why was the last time you giggled uncontrollably?

MM – I cannot remember exactly what happened, but my husband and I recently were in stitches over something. I think we were making fun of something. Hmmmm, what was it?

Mea – When I was with my best friend, Naomi, we were renaming her kids for some reason. I can’t remember why it was so funny, but neither of us could stop laughing! Perhaps our utter exhaustion was also a factor.

TheDude – My giggles are always controlled.

MF – My toddler told me that his daddy had whiskers on his puppy belly. (giggling again)

11. What’s your favorite photo on display?

MM – Bud’s daycare sent home a Christmas picture of him. He’s so happy in it and his feet and arms are a blur because he was so excited when the picture was taken.

Mea – There’s no one picture I can choose! I have favorite pictures of my husband and me, my family and friends, from different stages of my life that are all on display in my living room or at work! Every time I look at them, they make me smile!

TheDude – There is a picture I took which hangs in our office. It’s of a Peruvian family sitting in the doorway of their crooked house. I had the picture printed , but then I lost the negative. This one print is all I have left.

MF – The photo of Daddy-O kneeling on the dock where he proposed to me, kissing my pregnant belly.

Here are the bloggers that we are awarding the Liebster Award to. Visit them at their blogs and congratulate them!

Really Cranky Dad


New Old Fashion Vintage

Leave a comment »

Anti-Abortion Ultrasounds — Let Them See

I’m liberal, and I support the Republican ultra sound bills.

If you’re unfamiliar with these bills, here’s a brief summation – some Republicans want to require women to have transvaginal ultrasounds before they’re allowed to have an abortion.

A transvaginal ultrasound is an ultra sound where a little wand goes into a woman’s hooha.  These kinds of ultrasounds are used in the early stages of pregnancy since they’re better at examining the fetus than transabdominal ones.

Many groups are outraged at these proposed bills.  They say they’re the equivalent of state-sanctioned rape.  Opponents of these bills say they are intended to humiliate women.

But I disagree.  Here’s why.

  1. If you’re going to have an abortion, you’re going to have something inserted in your hooha anyway.  Something even more invasive than that ultrasound wand.
  2. If you had a tumor in your vagina, doctors would perform ultrasounds to check out the tumor.  If a fetus is like a tumor to be removed, it only makes sense that the tumor be examined first.  (Which is actually a good idea as not all pregnancies are normal pregnancies – take, for example, molar ones).  People do not shriek in outrage when biopsies are performed.
  3. If you want to have an abortion and seeing the fetus or hearing the heartbeat makes you uncomfortable, maybe that should tell you something.  If it does not, then what does it matter to you if this is one step you have to go through before terminating the pregnancy?
Bud at 24 weeks, via transabdominal ultrasound

Bud at 24 weeks, via transabdominal ultrasound

Bud at 8 weeks, via transvaginal ultrasound

Bud at 8 weeks, via transvaginal ultrasound