Calm, Cool and Committed

Three Moms and a Dude

This is for all the dads who’ve lost a baby.

One of the ladies in my Molar pregnancy support group posted this for us, and I thought I’d share it with all of you.  XO for all the angel baby dads out there.  We know you’re grieving, too.


He Lost His Baby Too

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief
Since ‘men dont cry’ and ‘men are strong’
No tears can bring relief

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest

They always ask if she’s alright
And what she’s going through
But seldom take his hand and ask
‘My friend, but how are you?’

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break
He dries her tears and comforts her
But ‘stays strong’ for her sake

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be so very brave—
He lost his baby, too.

By Jodie Brolese
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What Pees Might Come

People who don’t have overactive bladder have no idea what it’s like.  I’d like to educate them with this post.

The Jiggly Frenemy of OAB Sufferers Everywhere

The Jiggly Frenemy of OAB Sufferers Everywhere

A Night with Overactive Bladder

11:30 – You pee before going to bed.  You make sure to squeeze out every last drop.

11:30-11:41 – Check your phone for a few minutes.

11:42 – Realize it’s been 12 minutes since you peed, so you go pee again.  If you don’t, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night.

12:00 – You’re almost asleep when you feel a slight pressure on your bladder.  You try to ignore it.

12:02 – You’re still thinking about that pressure.  Surely you don’t have to pee; you just peed 20 minutes ago.  You don’t need to pee.  You don’t.  Think about something else.  It’ll go away.

12:05 – You just can’t stop thinking about needing to pee.  You need to stop thinking about it.  One of the steps to treating overactive bladder is through psychological reconditioning.  You know you need to train yourself not to go to the bathroom whenever you think about it.  You don’t need to pee.  You don’t.  Tell yourself.  You.  Don’t.  Need. To.  Pee.  It’s a false alarm.

12:10 – You should go pee.  If you don’t pee, you’ll wake up in the middle of the night needing to pee – or worse, you’ll have a pee dream.  You know, those dreams where you really, really have to pee, and you keep trying to pee, but you can’t.  Either you can’t find a bathroom or the bathroom is unusable.  It’s a terrible dream because it physically hurts and is panic-inducing.  Go to the bathroom.  Get up.  Go.  You don’t want to have one of those dreams.

12:11 – No.  You’re not going to pee.  You’re going to go to sleep and beat this nonsense.  Don’t let the bladder win!

12:15 – You ought to just get up to pee.  You’re going to get up eventually anyway.  The bladder always wins.  Now you’re just wasting time that could be spent sleeping because all you can think about is needing to pee.

12:17 – You’re so comfortable, though.  If you get up and pee, you’ll never be able to recreate the same awesome pillow positioning you have right now.  Ignore the pee!

12:25 – Son of a #$*@#!  You’re too wound up to sleep because you’re haunted by thoughts of having the pee dream.  You get up and go pee.

12:26 – It was only two tablespoons.  That wasn’t enough to have to get up to pee.  No.  No, two tablespoons is the difference between a 5AM wakeup and a 5:30 wake up.  It was good you peed.

12:30 – Why is this pillow so uncomfortable?!

??:?? – You really have to pee.  You push through the swinging bathroom doors.  The public restroom has oodles of toilets.  Use the first one.  Nope, you can’t.  There’s poop on the seat.  What about the next one?  Ugh.  It’s filthy – and there’s no toilet paper.  Okay, go down to the next open one.  Okay, good.  You go to lock the door.  No lock.  And a group of men just walked in.  There’s another one across the aisle.  This one doesn’t have a door.  But you really have to pee.  The men are walking around laughing.  You can’t pee in front of them.  Oh, man, pee pee pee, what are you going to do, pee pee pee, no good toilets PEE PEE PEE!

5:10 – It was a dream.  Your bladder is about to explode.  No, that’s not what it feels like.  It feels like there’s a 50 pound dumbbell sitting across your abdomen.  And someone’s pressing down on it.

5:11 – Run to the potty and pee.

5:14 – Still peeing.

5:17 – Return to bed.  Ahhh, the sweet relief of an empty bladder.  Now you can finally enjoy some sleep!

5:33 – Alarm.  Time to wake up.  &#($!


These Little Arguments

Hubby and Me on Our 5 Year Anniversary

Hubby and Me on Our 5 Year Anniversary

My husband and I are pretty compatible. Some of my friends (ahem, Mea) might even say we’re boring because we’re so similar.  Don’t be fooled, people, Hubby and I get in arguments.  To prove that we’re not boring, here is a  small sampling of the arguments we’ve had over the past 6.5 years of marriage.


Hubby: “Why are all these socks on the floor?  You’re never going to wear them again.”

Me: “Look at the pair I’m wearing right now.  These were on the floor this morning, and now I’m wearing them.”

Hubby: “You know, it’s the simple things like putting socks in the hamper that would make me happy.”

Me: “You mean simple like cleaning the crumbs off the counter?”


Me: “Why do you always have to talk about serious stuff in the morning?”

Hubby: “I’m sorry that I wanted to talk to you about something that was on my mind.”

Me:  “No, you wanted to make me angry.  You know I don’t like to think in the morning.”


Me: “I’m not a spendthrift like some other people’s wives.”

Hubby: “You just admitted that you spend a lot of money.”

Me: “No, I said I’m not a spendthrift.”

Hubby: “Yeah, you said you’re NOT thrifty.”

Me: “Spendthrift means you spend a lot of money.”

Hubby: “No it doesn’t. Hence the word thrift.”

Me: “Spendthrift means someone who spends a lot of money.”

Hubby: “How much do you want to bet?”

Me: “I don’t know.  Now you’re making me doubt that I know what that word means.”


Hubby: “Why do you need another pair of black shoes?  You have three sitting in the study.”

Me: “Those are work shoes, and I need a pair of dress shoes for the wedding.”

Hubby: “You have five pairs of black shoes in the closet.”

Me: “Those are open-toed shoes and I need closed-toed ones because I have to wear tights and you can’t wear tights with open-toed shoes.”

Hubby: “You have two pairs of closed-toed shoes by the radiator.”

Me: “Those are old.”


Hubby: “These pants have a tear in the pocket, I’m going to throw them away.”

Me: “Don’t throw them away, I can sew them back up.”

Hubby:  “You’ll never sew them.”

Me: “Yes, I will.  Besides, you still have your jumbotron khakis and your 1990 cargo pants.  Why would you throw away these nice, new dress pants?”

11.5 months later…

Hubby: “Are these the pants that have the tear in the pocket?  I’m going to pitch them.”

Me: “Don’t pitch them, we can patch them up.”

Hubby: “That’s what you said months ago and they’re still ripped.”

Me: “That’s because you didn’t remind me.”


This post will be much better if you read it with THIS playing in the background.


Lies I Like to Tell Myself

A spontaneous post tonight…

After a very appreciated and eventful spring break, it’s time to go back to work tomorrow.

In an effort to relieve the nausea and knots in my stomach, here are the lies I tell myself, to help me better cope with trying to balance working full time and being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I’d imagine, many of you are going through the same thoughts as I write:

1 – I will go to bed early tonight (Wide awake and kicking here! How about you??)!!!

2 – Tomorrow morning, I will resist the urge to hit the snooze button 5 times. Instead, I will get up early, make breakfast, do my hair and leave the house without rushing. Oh, and I will actually look in the mirror before I leave to make sure I at least match (Where’s my personal stylist when I need her?).

3 – No matter how tired I am after school, I will workout. Every. Day. (or at least 3 times a week??)

4 – Dinner will be planned ahead of time, gluten-free, healthy and praised by every member of the family (or else!).

5 – The managers at Giant will stop calling me by name, because I will not go every day to get something I need (Nice to see you again too!! Aghh! How embarrassing!).

6 – Every night, I will do a load of laundry and clean something in the house, so the weekend isn’t so crazy (1 week…this usually lasts 1 week.).

7 – I will not allow myself to get so tired that all I can do after the kids go to bed is stare like a zombie at the tv (Get off your butt and exercise I said!).

8 – 1 of the 5 books I’ve started will be finished soon. And I will get that new book I’ve been wanting!

9 – My husband and my friends will not feel neglected because I have too many other things that need to be done or I just don’t have the energy (Sorry guys…sigh…).

10 – I will have fun with the kids on a regular basis.

And last but not least, I will not cry when I drop lil man off at daycare tomorrow morning, because he’s going to have fun and play with his friends. I will miss him more than he misses me, right?

Is it too early to say that summer is almost here?


Totally in love!


One of my favorite pics of my sweeties! xo!


Let’s Live Together First!

The Dude is a little frustrated. While Molar Mother and Mea banter, quite fruitfully, over how to 12-step your way to a better marriage, CNN is posting this article: . To save you the time, this article essentially says that living together before marriage is not only becoming more common in America, but it’s also been shown to lead to more marriages. I mean isn’t that what our country needs? More marriages! Not lasting marriages, not happy marriages, not healthy marriages, just more. More. More. Low on cash? Move in with your boyfriend. Been together long enough? Share an apartment. Don’t want to rush into anything? Pick out matching towels, but hold off on the rings.

I know what some will say: We lived together before we got married, and our marriage is completely happy. Hey, that’s great for you. But isn’t part of the fun of marriage learning what it’s like to live with your lover and best friend (I’m assuming those are the same person)? If you’ve already done that before getting married, then what’s actually changed for you aside from how you fill out your W-4?

I realize that we live in a society that scoffs at traditional values (I mean God forbid people waited to have sex until marriage), but when did we decide that marriage was simply the next step in a long line of relational intimacy intervals? When did America start seeing marriage as something to be decided upon over a bowl of lucky charms at the breakfast bar where you eat with your live-in partner? If that’s all marriage is anymore, then why even bother?

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The Five Compatibilities for a Happy Marriage

Several years ago (pre-hubby), I had a brilliant revelation. I came up with the five things every couple needs to be compatible over to have a successful, happy marriage. Tonight, in a discussion with friends, I mentioned these Compatibilities. I’ve never publicly stated them before, and it’s well past time. So here goes!


If two people aren’t on the same intellectual plane, difficulties will ensue for a variety of reasons. One partner will feel inferior. One will feel superior. One might get bored. One might not be able to keep up. One might feel like the other can’t fit in with their peer group. Discussions will be difficult. Decisions might be difficult.

Sleep Schedule

Go ahead and laugh. But it’s true. If you like to sleep in late and enjoy naps, it will be hard meshing with someone who thrives on 5 hours of sleep and waking up at the crack of dawn. I think the only problem my freshman roommate and I had in getting along was sleep schedule. I wanted to stroll in late while she was sleeping; she wanted to have friends over while I was napping. We all value our sleep/wake hours, and a partner whose own preferences don’t jive might be seen as disrespectful.


This one might be the most predictable. A spendthrift and a spendaholic just don’t mix. It doesn’t’ matter if you and your spouse have joint accounts or separate, as a married couple your finances WILL intertwine. If a couple is saving up for a new home and one drops $500 on a pair of shoes while the other gave up their text messaging plan, it’ll cause friction.


I lumped these two together because they usually go hand and hand. People don’t need to be the same religion or follow the same political dogma per se. Rather they need to hold religion/politics in the same regard. If one person doesn’t care about politics, an activist-minded spouse is not a good fit. Imagine this – you really, really care about marriage equality. You think everyone, no matter gender, should be allowed the right to marry. You want all your friends to support the cause. How ticked are you going to be if your spouse responds to your fervor with this word – “Meh.”


Notice that I said sexuality, not just sex. I think this might be the silent marriage killer. Someone might not mind saying, “Hey, it bothers me that you spend half your paycheck on books,” but they probably aren’t as free saying, “I wish you would change up the position every now and then” or “I wish you’d stop watching online porn.” Sexuality is taboo, so it gets hidden in even some of the most open relationships. And things like this breed contempt. “He’s not meeting my needs.” “She’s too demanding.” You get my point.

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