Calm, Cool and Committed

Three Moms and a Dude

Why Won’t You Get Divorced?

on March 24, 2013

There’s a five to seven year window after college when a girl’s life is filled with weddings. Whole summers are spent hopping from beach to mountain to lake, catching bouquets and walking down aisles.

That window closes for a year or two, and then another one opens. That window is filled with unhappy marriages.

I’m old enough now that my summers aren’t spent shopping for crystal pitchers that will be stored in attics with dusty Christmas decorations. And while a few baby showers have taken the place of bridal ones, not every marriage is turning up baby bonnets and roses.

More than a few of my friends are in relationships where one or both parties isn’t happy. Even though one or two of those couples have divorced, the majority stay married. Which leaves one question: Why?

I’m going to posit an answer to the why question. I believe one of the main reasons people stay in unhappy marriages is because they don’t want to be alone. They’re worried that they’re going to be a divorcee (possibly with kids) who can’t find another relationship. It was hard enough being single and 22. How much harder is divorced at 30+?

I’m not saying this from a high horse. I remember a previous relationship that had me disliking and distrusting my partner. For a while I thought he could change, but when I realized that might never happen, I told my family, “I think I’m going to break up with Stewbie.” And then I stayed with him for seven more months until he broke up with me?

Why did I stay with him?  Because I was now out of college, my dating pool had drastically been cut, I had invested a long time in him, I didn’t want to go to weddings stag…  You might see those reasons as silly or stupid or lacking self-esteem, but in my head they were big, very big reasons.  I was scared that if this relationship didn’t work out, no relationship would come along in its place.


Just like I know what it’s like to be afraid of what the end of a relationship means, I also know that it is better to be single than to be unhappy.  And I know that the only thing preventing you from finding a better relationship is the bad one you’re in.

So why won’t you get divorced?



One response to “Why Won’t You Get Divorced?

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