Calm, Cool and Committed

Three Moms and a Dude

Gone Baby Gone

on October 16, 2012

In 1988, Ronald Reagan declared October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  His hope (and the hope of those supporting his proclamation) was to help bring attention to the grief that affects so many families.

The American Pregnancy Association reports this –

“Every year in the United States there are approximately 2 million women who experience pregnancy loss:

  • 600,000 women experience pregnancy loss through miscarriage
  • 1,200,000 women experience pregnancy loss through termination
  • 64,000 women experience pregnancy loss through ectopic pregnancy
  • 6,000 women experience pregnancy loss through molar pregnancies
  • 26,000 women experience pregnancy loss through stillbirth”

That’s a lot of babies lost.  Yet pregnancy loss still remains a silent subject.  I know because I’m one of the 6,000 who suffered a molar pregnancy.  Hubby and I lost our angel baby in October of 2010.  Two years have passed, and we now have our rainbow  baby.  Two years is a long time, and we are blessed each day through Bud’s life… but that long-ago loss still weighs heavily upon us.

Perhaps one reason so many people suffer in silence is because no one knows how to talk about it.  So what can we do?  How can we help?  From my experience, the best thing to say to someone is, “I’m sorry you have to go through this, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.”  And then, every month or so, you can say, “I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re dealing okay.  Let me know if you want to talk.”  Don’t be afraid to bring up the subject after time has passed — because months might have gone by, but that mother and father have not forgotten.

For hubs and me the whole year after our loss majorly stank.  And flashes of remembrance of the stinkiness still pop up.  In fact, today was one of those bad days.

Yet there are people who suffer more than Hubby and me.  People who lost their 11-month-old baby.  People who have multiple pregnancy losses.  People who are losing their baby as we speak.

Tonight, and all month, my thoughts are with those women and men.

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” – Ronald Reagan

“What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby’s not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there’s no need to stay.

I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
“We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!”
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
“Mommy, Please don’t be sad today
I’m your baby and I am here”

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they’ll stay
They’ll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown

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3 responses to “Gone Baby Gone

  1. Naomi Atkins says:

    I’m crying.. thank you for this post. I had a loss through miscarriage.

  2. Molar Mother says:

    Oh, Naomi, I’m so, so sorry. Thinking of you.

  3. Matt says:

    Reblogged this on Really Cranky Dad's Blog and commented:
    My wife is much more eloquent than I am on this topic.

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